Positive Parenting Strategies For Teenagers That Actually Work
Parenting a teen can feel like walking a tightrope. My teen daughter is a prime example as she too suffers a severe case of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde persona. One minute, love and cuddles sing-song-ing ‘I love you’, then next she is rolling her eyes while growling ‘leave me alone’, or my teen son’s dual persona of ‘I want mom’ to ‘Yor bro chill’. It is in those moments of hissing that you know that all your sacrifices were truly worth it (that was sarcasm, in case you missed it).
Positive parenting strategies for the teenagers can help you cope with your now cheeky, sullen teenager who barely says hello when you walk in the room. You feel like you are constantly at war with your teen; well, me too, I’m soldiering through with a plan, but I am only just getting by (by the skin of my teeth).
I’m learning on the job, so let me share what I have gleaned so far: they don’t listen, we are doomed…God speed (ha-ha)
Parenting Generation Z – (teens aged 13-19)
I found through some experience that they come with their own unique set of challenges, but there are positive parenting strategies that can help us navigate these years passably (or somewhat, I mean, I hope).
- Be consistent
One of the most important things I found as a parent is to be consistent. I struggled with this through the years, so I know it is tough, but I truly see that this works with both my teens. They need to know what the rules are and what the consequences will be if they break them. Once you have rules and consequences, stick to them. Yes, it is super hard because we all hate being hated, but if you give in, they will learn that they can manipulate you to get what they want.
I have failed with this one so many times, I have lost track, and I can see how my little brats take advantage of the situation as well as me. People said so many things to me as a special needs mom that often made me question my self-worth, so in my doubting myself, you can bet my kids knew how to use that!
They would never try their luck on their father, but with me, it was an all-out war, and I had to take charge of the situation. Ever since I started standing firm in my decisions as well as punishments, the order was restored, and peace reigned supreme. Well, actually no, but it is a work in progress, okay, more work than progress; however, we’re getting there.
- How to Communicate effectively with teenagers
It is important to communicate with your teenager, even if it feels like they are not listening (which, personally, seems like all the time to me). Try to have regular family dinners where everyone talks about their day. We do this a least once a week, and it is an amazing bonding experience as a family. You have to connect to be able to build a level of trust for them to be able to share their feeling or thoughts with you.
Us as parents need to learn to listen without just reacting, sometimes its just about us putting the phone down and just giving them your undivided attention. Be present because if you cant listen to the little things like the dream they had (that seemed to last 24hours especially when they explain it in detail). Then they wont come to you for the big things like being bullied or they struggling with witch craft or something that could spiral dangerously.
Yes, it does take a level of courage to engage with my kids when they glare and hiss at me (both my kids have a tendency to become ‘chucky’). However, when they choose to speak, they speak to me about everything, and I do mean everything. Sometimes I feel like I can become comatose from listening to them talk about certain things, but sometimes the talks turn personal, and I am privileged to be trusted enough to have them. Hence, I believe in these methods because if they work for me, then they may work for you.
A Practical guide to positive parenting for teens
-Be involved in their lives
It is vital to show interest in things that are important to your teenager, well, your kids in general. This is always a good practice to have. Attend their important events, help them with their school work occasionally, and go (often) on family outings together. This will help your kids feel like they are valuable members of the family and that they matter.
Look, the truth is in this day and age, technology has more of a hold on our kids than we ever will, so we need to show them that they have an identity outside the metaverse. That is why getting them to have human connections with people who love them improves the way they feel about themselves
-Encourage Independence And Responsibility
Teens are going through a lot of changes, and they may not be sure who they are or what they want in life. My daughter wanted to save the world, and now she just wants to have lots of money. She wants to be seen, then used to hide behind a face mask every chance she could gets. These kids are so impressionable that their concept of beauty is unrealistic and so jaded by preconceived notions offered to them freely on social media.
I spend a lot of time trying to let her explore her individuality, making her feel like what she thinks and says matters. I do the same for my teen son. In fact, both their dad and I do that because we want them to be their best selves, not what they think the world wants them to be. Note there is a difference between being protective and involved to being over-controlling. Trying to live their life fot them instead of just guiding them will not end very well.
Time will tell if what we do helps or not, but we are doing the best we can….just two flawed people trying to raise two functioning ‘little’ humans. Offer your word of encouragement and praise when you can; no harm has ever come from being nice.
-Be a good role model
Your teenager /kids are watching everything you do. This freaks me out the most, the fact that my daughter and my son are taking guidance as well as life lessons from me, a little girl in a woman’s body aka an imperfect mortal like me. I had to re-evaluate how I see myself, and it was a sobering thought because how can I tell my daughter to love who she is when I don’t love myself?
How do I tell my kids to look after themselves when I don’t? How do I say be your best when I am not? How do I say be strong and brave when I want to lie in my bed and hide from the world? This is what gets me through the days, through the months, and past these six years of losing my firstborn.
Our kids are watching, learning, and absorbing your emotions, actions, also reactions to life. Yes, I have hyperventilated on this plenty of times, stop reading for a sec and take a moment and have a cup of coffee to process, then continue.
Strengths and weaknesses of Generation Z
There are strengths that come with being a part of Generation Z. They are incredibly resilient, adaptable, and resourceful. Growing up in a time of economic hardship and global uncertainty means they know how to deal with tough situations.
However, there are some weaknesses that come with it, too. They are often called the “snowflake generation[1].” because they are perceived as being overly sensitive and easily offended. They may also have a hard time focusing and paying attention due to the constant stimulation from technology.
Despite their weaknesses, Gen Z is a powerful force to be reckoned with because they are a generation of survivors, and they have the potential to change the world.
Why is Gen Z so Judgmental?
-They have high standards
Think about it, Gen Z has grown up in a time of economic uncertainty and global terrorism. They have seen firsthand the damage that can be done when people don’t live up to their potential. As a result, they have high standards for themselves and for others.
-They are innovative
They are known for being incredibly innovative because they are always looking for new and better (sometimes easy ) ways to do things. This can sometimes come across as judgmental, because they may view traditional methods as outdated or inefficient.
-They are passionate
This is a generation of passionate people because they are not afraid to speak their minds or stand up for what they believe in. This can sometimes be interpreted as being judgmental, but it is really just a sign of their strong convictions.
Despite their reputation for being judgmental, Gen Z is a generation of compassionate, pioneering, and passionate people. They are the future leaders of the world, and they have the potential to change it for the better (God-willing, my daughter and son will be a part of that revolution).
Watch out for bullying
Manipulation is a serious problem that can have a negative impact on your teenager’s life, and if you think your teenager is being manipulated, it is important to talk to them about it. Help them to understand what is happening and why it is wrong. I use manipulation but what I really mean is bullying in all its forms i.e. emotional, physical, and mental[2].
Unfortunately, my teens have had experiences with Manipulative teenage friendships in its many forms (described below) from their “friends” both in primary school and high school.
-Flattery
Some teenagers use flattery to manipulate their friends, and they may compliment their friends excessively in order to make them feel good about themselves, as a result, get their friends to do things that they wouldn’t normally do.
-Guilt
Another common form of manipulation is guilt; the manipulator may try to make their friend feel guilty about something in order to get them to do what they want. For example, they may say things like, “I can’t believe you would do this to me,” or “I thought you were my friend.”
–Threats
The manipulator may threaten to hurt themselves or someone else if their friend doesn’t do what they want. This is a very dangerous form of manipulation and should not be taken lightly; I definitely didn’t let my daughter deal with this one on her own.
-Isolation
They may try to isolate your child from other people in order to have more control over them. For example, the manipulator may tell your child that nobody else likes them or that they are better off without any other friends, or make them feel alone until they need something.
Final thoughts
Kids are so cruel, hey! They say things, hurtful things, and they don’t realize the impact, especially to someone who is already either going through a loss (like in our case) or some life difficulty. It is super hard to sit on the sidelines while these things happen to someone you love, but I know for a fact that your rage will do more harm than good.
I am grateful my kids come to me for this, and helping them deal with it or getting their permission to step in lets them know I will always have their back.
Conclusion
So, here I am- a mom of teens who is still trying to figure out this whole ‘Positive parenting strategies for teenages’ thing. If you are reading this and feeling lost, like me, know that you are not alone. Every day we’re faced with new challenges and obstacles – from eye-rolling and door-slamming to outright defiance.
There are plenty of us out there struggling to find the right balance between giving our teens enough space and guidance while also maintaining our own sanity (and sometimes dignity). If you need to chat, feel free to reach out to me, and we can commiserate together.
Maybe talk about our love of mythical creatures like unicorns, vampires, and teens who listen…