It’s no secret that fighting anxiety and depression can be incredibly difficult – if not impossible. Especially having little people depending on you when you can’t even depend on yourself, motherhood is another kind of struggle. So, what do you do if you’re struggling with anxiety? How do you avoid the depression song? If you’re reading this, you’re probably wondering how to overcome depression and anxiety, too, know I am JUST a mom who battles with mental health. I know what works for me – and I hope it works for you too.
How Do I Cope With Depression And Anxiety
Well, I became a multi-billionaire diva and bought an island. Never had to work a day again and I spend my days reading while eating expensive chocolate. I have an endless supply of coffee…life is good. You must be thinking: seriously?? Answer: an emphatically sad ‘No’ with an ‘only in my dreams’ sprinkled on the side.
What Depression and anxiety as a mom look like: I’m a slightly chubby woman who works like a work-horse and feels like I have nothing to show for it. I’m a former caregiver mom who is used to 24/7 days of no sleep and physical exhaustion, and I am NOW trying to cope with a new normal while grieving.
I’m also a self-taught photographer with no steady income and a published author who has sold only 2 copies of my children’s book (thanks, hubby & mommy). I’m a housekeeper, cleaner, chef, driver, teacher…no ‘qualifications’ yet still do it all, and the list is endless. I feel like no one understands me and what all this feels like, so that makes me feel so alone even when I am not (and even though I know I have had it worse before).
Am I overwhelmed? Maybe.
Do I do too much? That is possible.
Do I feel like I deserve a holiday? Yes, somewhere with sandy beaches and the bluest waters.
Do I hate my life? Well, aside from me grieving my son, no.
What do I want for my life? Purpose (and a faster metabolism).
Here Is My Story
I’ve been attempting overcoming anxiety and depression for as long as I can remember but I have struggled silently. Mine was as unassuming as my nature. I laughed and bubbled; no one knew any better. Why, because I am just that good at hiding my feelings. As a child, I was awkward but I was friendly, so I did have friends but none who REALLY knew me.
I learnt from a young age that if you do just enough, people won’t question you or pay any attention, so I could fly under the radar without actually hiding. I could never explain how I felt because I am not that verbally articulate (only when I write).
What Depression and Anxiety Felt Like for Me
This feeling of not belonging continued into my teenage years, and by the time I reached high school, I was popular but not popular (if that even makes sense). Still trying to figure out how to overcome depression and anxiety, we then relocated in the middle of my high school year. In the middle of Grade 10, to be exact, from a small place (Pietermaritzburg) to Cape Town.
It was a culture shock ( to put it mildly) that I could not adjust to, and I felt even more anxious. People here were so different from what I was used in a good and a bad way. The schoolwork load was greater, the peer pressure so much more aggressive, and then there was the Afrikaans (Jesus take the wheel).
I was a top achiever in Pietermaritzburg, an A- student, but when I got to Cape Town, my grades dropped dramatically. I was teased endlessly for my accent at school, and it made me so self-conscious. The depression hit hard at this time, my parents had us move for better opportunities for our family, and they had their own adjusting to work/life as well. I couldn’t put my feelings on them, so I pressed them down and tried to be a good daughter.
My siblings struggled too, so I had to be strong for them as well; I felt that was my one job in life. My job was not to put my moods or problems on everyone else, so I put a smile on my face and pushed on, you know, as a good Christian.
The Turning Point Overcoming Anxiety Depression
Pressing down my emotions became a habit, and that is the thing with habits: habits are hard to break. I had a few friends but spent most of my time reading books and listening to music. The pressure grew so much that my grades could not recover, and eventually, I had to let go of my big career dreams and settle. The problem was I didn’t know what to settle for, and I kept pressing the emotions down; this led to my very difficult relationship with food.
I became an emotional eater, and my weight was another source of my depression. My body became my enemy, and this eating disorder continued into my late teens/early twenties. By this point, I was dealing with depression/anxiety on a daily basis. I had very little motivation or desire to do anything, and I just wanted to curl up in a ball and hide from the world, keep pressing emotions down. Pressing down too much began to build; every day was a struggle, then it exploded, and I entered a phase of rebellion.
This phase of my life was dark; I chopped off all my hair (I had really long hair back then) and went overseas in a storm cloud of aggression towards my parents. While overseas, I suffered malnutrition and exploitation from the company I went overseas for. I was assaulted, arrested, deported, banned from a country, and I almost took my own life.
I broke my parents’ hearts and suffered for it. My faith took huge beatings; this phase was one of the most brutal, and I am still being tested. Too much has happened, too much has unfolded in my life for me to even begin to cover it all in a blog post (maybe a book one day).
The ‘good’ part about this phase was that it taught me who I was and it taught me about the God I serve. How I managed to come back to South Africa will forever be one of many of my testimonies that stand out as impossible.
Then I started writing years ago, and I found that the act of writing was therapeutic for me, a way to express my emotions instead of pressing them down.
How I’m Managing My Mental Health Now
I’m not going to lie; writing and prayer didn’t make the road easier. There have been setbacks as well as relapses along the way. It is how to overcome depression and anxiety on your own, you get up like I got up, you dust off as I dusted myself off then write it down (and maybe vent to God as I do).
I also commit to exercise: blasting worship remixes on my headphones as I hit the gym has been such a stress reliever and helps me navigate how I see my body. Self-care is difficult to navigate as a mother, but I have learnt that it is the only way to be a better parent to my kids. They look to me on how to deal with their emotions, so I have to force myself for their sake to deal with my anxiety and depression in a healthy way.
Today, I’m in a decent place; I’m doing things that I never thought possible (like sharing all this with you). We all have a story because we all struggle in some way or form. The world is hard, and life-ing is crazy tough. So, if you’re struggling with depression or anxiety, please know that you are not alone and recovery or even coping is possible.
6 Things That Helped Me On My Worst Days
How Do You Beat Depression And Anxiety-
Find an outlet
Writing has been a huge help for me, but I also use photography, exercise, and singing as well. There are many other outlets too, so find an activity that you enjoy, and that helps you to relax/ de-stress. It could be anything from painting to hiking to playing music. Another self- care tool I love is grooming because my mom always says that if you look good, you feel good…trust me, this is very true.
Reach out
Don’t suffer in silence, trust me, this option has no happy ending because eventually you turn to something you shouldn’t (food & I-case and point). Talk to someone – a friend, family member, therapist, etc. – about what you’re going through. It can be helpful to share your experiences and feelings with someone who understands.
I know this one is hard; I am usually the one people turn to when they have problems, and thus, I started depending on my mom and my husband to listen to me vent. I have realized that if you don’t speak to someone, the problem festers like a sore, and like a festering, untreated sore, it will end up being fatal.
Be patient
Recovery takes time. Don’t expect to feel better overnight. Give yourself time to heal, and don’t be too hard on yourself if you have a setback. If you have a bad day, then embrace it, cry it out, and cry some more (also eat some chocolate). Then you can go back to being strong or okay (until the next time).
Believe in yourself
Remember that you are strong and capable, and you can get through this. Depression and anxiety can be overcome, so believe in yourself, have faith, and trust in the healing process.
Don’t be afraid of medication
How to overcome severe depression and anxiety, medication may be necessary. There are many different types of medication available. DO NOT SELF-MEDICATE. It’s important to talk to your doctor to find the one that’s right for you. There are also herbal alternatives to take the edge off a bit, so check at the pharmacy and ask for guidance or recommendations.
I had to go on a few sedatives just to get some sleep during my time as a special needs parent, and when I lost my 16-year-old son. After my Jaden passed, I felt like I was having panic attacks more frequently. Also, recently, I found that my anxiety increases my blood pressure, and as I have already had a stroke a few years back, I need to keep my pressure under control with chronic meds.
Recognize your triggers
Identifying the things that trigger your anxiety can help you to avoid them in the future. I am a planner; it is how I cope with most things and how I time manage because time is precious. When my time or plan is disrupted, I go into a tailspin; it’s not pretty.
I usually feel like getting overloaded with Krispy Kreme and Starbucks, just to see what all that sugar and caffeine will do for me. So, how do I avoid this trigger? I don’t, I can’t, and I usually it’s me running to the bathroom to take deep breaths while my eye twitches…what can I say, I am a work in progress.
Simple guide to understanding anxiety and depression:
-What is the most common cause of depression and anxiety?
There is no one single cause of depression and anxiety. Rather, these conditions are thought to be caused by a combination of genetic, biological, psychological, and environmental factors (1). Depression and anxiety can run in families, but it is not clear if this is due to genetics or other factors such as environment or upbringing.
It is also worth noting that depression and anxiety can be triggered by a traumatic event, such as a move, a dramatic change, death of a loved one, divorce, or job loss etc. However, it is important to remember that not everyone who experiences a traumatic event will develop these conditions.
-Is anxiety considered a form of depression?
Anxiety and depression are two very different conditions (2), though they often go hand-in-hand. Anxiety is characterized by feelings of worry, nervousness, and fear, while depression is marked by feelings of sadness, hopelessness, and apathy.
However, both anxiety and depression can lead to similar symptoms, such as insomnia, irritability, and difficulty concentrating.
-How do you know if you’re depressed or just sad?
If you’re struggling to identify whether you’re experiencing depression or simply feeling down, it can be helpful to ask yourself how long you’ve been experiencing these low feelings. Depression is more than just a case of the blues – it’s a persistent low mood that lasts for weeks or even months at a time.
If you’re unsure whether your symptoms meet the criteria for depression, it’s always best to seek professional help.
A Message to Anyone Struggling
Some people believe that overcoming anxiety and depression is simply a case of “mind over matter” – that if you just try hard enough, you could snap out of it. Others may think that these conditions are a sign of weakness or laziness.
Both of these beliefs are completely untrue. Anxiety and depression are real, serious medical conditions that can be incredibly debilitating. They are not a sign of weakness, and they are certainly not something that you can simply “snap out of. In fact, it takes a great deal of courage and bravery to even admit to having mental or emotional struggles. Society tends to make us feel that admitting to a problem is admitting to being weak when it should be the other way around.
If you’re still with me at this point, thanks for bearing with me. It hasn’t been easy for me to write all of this, but I do it in the hopes that it might help someone else out there who is feeling lost and alone. I’m not a professional and you don’t have to listen to me. This is my story on how to overcome depression and anxiety, and it’s been a long journey; in fact, I’m still on it.
So please, don’t be ashamed to ask for help; whether that means talking to a friend or family member, seeing a therapist, or taking medication prescribed by your doctor or from a pharmacist. I am here too…if you need me:)