“The quickest way for a parent to get a child’s attention is to sit down and look comfortable.” Truer words have never been spoken… seriously.
The minute a mother sits down, gets comfortable, and perhaps — heaven forbid — attempts to enjoy five minutes of peace, the entire household suddenly develops an urgent medical condition, starvation-level hunger or an extremely important question that absolutely cannot wait another thirty seconds.
We mothers have to be in peak condition of mind to deal with our munchkins and still look like a snack for our hubbies (Ha-ha, yeah, I couldn’t even say that with a straight face). Let’s be honest, motherhood is crazy.
It’s beautiful, rewarding, exhausting, hilarious, frustrating, and occasionally enough to make you wonder whether you accidentally signed a lifetime contract without reading the small print. Personally, I’m trying not to pull my hair out from being ‘bullied’ by my teenage drama queen and my energiser bunny.
Moms cannot simply workout in ‘beast mode’ when dealing with little beasts; it takes planning and a level of execution that an international spy will envy. So my hubby knows better than to haggle me about my spring-roll tummy when I am approximately ten seconds away from pulling out a can of crazy.
And yes, I love my children fiercely, but loving your children and occasionally wanting to hide in a cupboard are not mutually exclusive.
The Challenges of Motherhood Are Very Real
Being a mother is no easy feat; however, try being a stay-at-home mom or try being a special needs mom too, or, as was the case for so many of us during the pandemic, a work-from-home mom. The challenges, oh, the challenges, It’s enough to make you become a binge wine drinker. We mothers, have to wear so many hats that it can give us whiplash and many headaches.
We have to be schoolteacher, chef, housekeeper, mediator, coach, personal trainer, nurse, taxi driver, organiser, referee, counsellor, snack distributor and professional finder of things that apparently have legs and walked away by themselves.
And somehow, after all of that, we’re still expected to have energy for hubby; some days I’m impressed that I’ve remembered to put matching shoes on. Motherhood comes with this invisible mental load that never seems to switch off.
What’s for dinner? Did the kids do their homework? Where is that school form? Who needs a lift? Why is there a wet towel on the floor? Who ate the last snack? Why is the fridge empty when I went shopping yesterday?
And why, WHY, does nobody seem to know where anything is when apparently I am the only person in the house with eyes? It can feel never-ending. Moms Need Downtime Too: “90% of parenting is just thinking about when you can lie down again.” I mean… ya that’s pretty accurate.
We need downtime; we need peace, whenever it comes and in whatever form, but I don’t mean disappearing for three weeks to a tropical island while someone else handles the children (although if anybody would like to arrange that, then yes please).
I’m talking about the little moments, that first cup of coffee in the morning, sitting quietly for five minutes or watching something without somebody asking you to pause it. Maybe having a shower without being asked something through the door or going to the bathroom without having a family meeting, and yes, the bathroom deserves its own paragraph.
Because being a mom means kids (especially when they were younger) banging on the bathroom door like SWAT, asking for a drink, while you’re in the shower and Dad is in the kitchen (apparently, Dad was invisible).
When my kids were little, I remember sitting on the toilet, minding my own business, enjoying the only five minutes of privacy I’ve had all day, and suddenly:
“Mom!”
“Mommy!”
“Mom, where are you?”
Seriously? Ya was pretty sure I had announced my location quite clearly.
Motherhood Means You Are Never Really Alone
I was hardly ever left alone; even me going to the toilet seemed to announce to the kids: “Hey, Mom is taking a poop, so let’s have a family meeting!”
My kiddies just hear me up and about, then they will come for me. It’s not much different now that they are teenagers. I often give them a lecture about not being the boss of me, but I’m pretty sure it holds no weight because I’m usually saying those words while doing exactly what they want #sigh.
What can I say? I am a mom, and this is one of the funniest contradictions of motherhood. We spend years teaching our children boundaries, independence, and responsibility while simultaneously answering approximately 4,827 questions a day and getting up to fetch things they could quite easily fetch themselves.
“Mom, can I have a snack?”
“It’s in the cupboard.”
“Can you get it?”
“You have legs.”
“But Mommmmm.”
And off I used to go; evidently, my own lecture had a short expiration date.
The Mental Load of Motherhood
One of the biggest challenges of motherhood isn’t necessarily the physical work; it’s the constant thinking, thinking about everyone, remembering everything, and planning everything. It’s trying to anticipate what everyone might need before they even realise they need it.
Then when you finally get into bed at night, your brain decides that this would be the perfect time to remember that you forgot to reply to an email three days ago, then it reminds you about the school project, then the grocery list aaaaaannnnddd then something your child said six years ago… thanks, brain.
Motherhood can be mentally exhausting because the work doesn’t always have an obvious finish line; there is always another load of washing, another meal, another mess, another school event or another argument to mediate.
Then another emotional crisis over something that, to an adult, appears to be completely unrelated to the collapse of civilisation, but to your child? It is apparently the end of the world.
Looking After Yourself Doesn’t Make You a Bad Mom
This is why I have learned to value anything that makes my life as a mom easier and less stressful, and I think this is something we mothers need to remind ourselves more often:
- Taking care of yourself doesn’t make you selfish.
- It doesn’t mean you love your children less.
- It doesn’t mean you’re abandoning your responsibilities.
- It means you are human.
- We cannot constantly give, give, give without eventually running out of something to give.
- Sometimes you need a break.
- Sometimes you need silence.
- Sometimes you need to laugh.
- Sometimes you need to cry.
Sometimes you need to lock the bathroom door and pretend you didn’t hear anyone knocking… I’m kidding (mostly). But finding little ways to recharge matters; for me, it’s those little pockets of time when I can breathe and remember that I am not just “Mom.”
I’m Charlene.
A wife.
A woman.
A writer.
A person with thoughts, dreams, interests, and a personality that existed before someone started calling me “Mommy” approximately seventeen thousand times a day.
The Beautiful, Crazy Side of Motherhood
Despite all the complaining, I wouldn’t trade motherhood, not for a second, because alongside the exhaustion, chaos, and occasional desire to hide behind the curtains, there is so much beauty. There are cuddles, there are belly laughs, there are ridiculous conversations.
There are little moments that catch you completely off guard, those times when your child says “Mommy, I love you” and suddenly all the frustration of the day melts away. There are memories being created right in front of you, and one day, I’m sure, I’m going to miss the noise. Okay… maybe not all the noise.
Motherhood has taught me that you can be completely exhausted and completely grateful at the same time. You can desperately need five minutes alone and still miss your children the second they leave the room. You can want to scream one minute and cuddle them the next.
You can be overwhelmed by motherhood and still feel incredibly blessed to be a mother… those things can exist together.
Motherhood Is Messy, But So Worth It
There is no perfect mother, and there is no perfect child. There is no perfect household where everyone wakes up smiling, eats a nutritious breakfast, packs their own school bags, and leaves the house without somebody shouting: “WE ARE GONNA BE LATE!”
If there is such a household, I don’t want to hear about it; it will only make me feel inadequate because to me motherhood is messy. It’s loud, emotional, exhausting, and often hilarious. It’s sometimes completely bonkers but also one of the most incredible journeys a woman can experience.
So to all the moms out there who are currently wondering how they’re going to make it through the day:
Take a breath.
Have the coffee.
Eat the chocolate.
Lock the bathroom door.
Laugh when you can.
Cry when you need to.
Ask for help when you need it, and remember that you don’t have to be a perfect mom; you just have to be you.
Underneath the laundry, school runs, tantrums, teenage drama, dishes, cooking, cleaning, worrying, and endless requests for snacks, there is a woman doing her absolute best, and sometimes, doing your best while slightly losing your mind is what motherhood looks like.
And you know what? I think we’re doing alright.