You know that old saying, “You can choose your friends, but you can’t choose your family”. Well, it’s especially true when it comes to in-laws. No matter how hard you try to get along with them, there’s always going to be some tension. With in- law relationships, you take your lumps. You have to.
There are simply too many people involved for everything to go perfectly – even when everyone is trying their best. Maintaining a good relationship with in-laws can be a challenge, but it’s definitely worth the effort.
Here are a few tips to help make things go smoothly. First, be respectful and polite when you’re around them. Next, try to find common ground and interests that you can share. Finally, don’t criticize them openly- even if you don’t agree with them.
Read on for more details on each one!
Why are relationships with in-laws so difficult?
In any close relationship, there are bound to be disagreements and misunderstandings. However, when those relationships are with in-laws, the stakes can feel much higher. After all, in-laws are often seen as an extension of our family, and we want to make sure that we get along with them for the sake of our own relationship.
Unfortunately, there are a number of reasons why relationships with in-laws can be so difficult. For one thing, in-laws can be very different from us in terms of lifestyle, values, and beliefs. This can make it difficult to find common ground, and it can also lead to feelings of judgment or disapproval.
In addition, in-laws can sometimes be overbearing or intrusive, which can create tension and conflict. It’s no wonder that relationships with in-laws can be so tricky to navigate.
How to deal with interfering in-laws
I’m not sure about you, but one of the most challenging relationships I’ve ever had is with my in-laws. It seems like no matter what I do sometimes, I can’t seem to please them. Sound familiar? Well, don’t worry – it is not just you.
In-law relationships are notoriously tough, but that doesn’t mean they can’t be good. Here are a few tips to help maintain a good relationship with your in-laws:
1. Be respectful
This should go without saying, but always be polite and respectful towards your partner’s parents. They are important people in your partner’s life, so it’s important to show them respect.
2. Spend time with them
One of the best ways to get closer to your in-laws is by spending time with them. Whether it’s having lunch together or going on a family vacations, getting to know them better will help build a stronger relationship.
3. Don’t criticize them publicly
Criticizing someone publicly never goes over well, especially if it’s your partner’s parents! If you have something negative to say about them, save it for when you’re behind closed doors – nobody wants their dirty laundry aired out in public!
4. Give them some space
If they want some time alone with their son or daughter, give them that space and let them relax without having to entertain you as well. Personally, I find this to be especially true that is why I just walk away peacefully and go clean something or go spend time with my sister-in laws.
Fighting about in-laws
Fighting about in-laws is one of the most common conflicts within a marriage; it’s no secret that in-laws can be a source of stress for many couples. After all, you’re suddenly dealing with a whole new set of people who may have very different values and expectations.
In my case, I feel like it’s especially difficult with my husband’s family. In fact, most of our fights and disagreements, especially in the past, were usually family related. I tried and do try to be understanding, but it’s hard (most times) when I feel like I am always the one making all the sacrifices.
Do not get me wrong, they are all good people and after 19 years of marriage, I love them like my own. I suspect they don’t even know what they have done or do to make me feel like that sometimes.
Distancing yourself from in-laws
The thing is, an important fact to any relationship is communication but that is not a simple thing to implement sometimes hence the reason there are disagreements. Communication is a listening and talking equation if one does not do both then nothing ever gets resolved.
When you marry someone, you don’t just marry them – you marry their whole family. And while you might get along swimmingly with your in-laws at first, over time it’s not unusual for tensions to start to arise or vice versa.
If you find yourself feeling constantly resentful or frustrated with your in-laws, it might be time to start distancing yourself from them. Of course, this is easier said than done. You might feel guilty about pulling away, or like you’re betraying your spouse.
But ultimately, you have to do what’s best for yourself. Here are a few tips for distancing yourself from your in-laws:
1. Establish boundaries
If you feel like your in-laws are always intruding on your life, sit down with your spouse and discuss some boundary guidelines. For example, you might agree that they can call once a week but not drop by unannounced all the time. Or that they can come over for dinner once a month but not stay the night. Whatever boundaries you decide on, make sure to communicate them clearly and stick to them.
2. Don’t compare yourself to them
It’s easy to fall into the trap of comparing yourself to your in-laws – but resist the urge. Everyone is different, and just because they do things differently than you doesn’t mean that they’re better or worse than you. Remember that you have your own unique set of strengths and weaknesses, and focus on celebrating those instead of dwelling on what you perceive.
3. Find your own support system
If you’re feeling isolated or unsupported in your relationship with your in-laws, seek out others who understand what you’re going through. Talk to your friends or family members about how you’re feeling, or join an online support group for people in similar situations. Just knowing that you’re not alone can make a world of difference.
Taking some time to distance yourself from your in-laws can be difficult – but it’s often necessary if you want to preserve your sanity (and relationship). Use the tips above to help make the process a little easier.
What are healthy boundaries with in-laws?
Healthy boundaries with in-laws can be a difficult thing to establish. However, it is important to have clear boundaries in order to maintain a healthy relationship [1]. In my case, my husband was the problem (bet if he reads this he would be rolling his eyes ha-ha).
Seriously though, for example, he would constantly compare me to his mother when we first got married and according to him back then, I didn’t measure up. This made me feel insecure and anxious around his family. I also felt like I was always walking on eggshells, afraid of saying or doing something that would upset him as well as them.
I eventually realized that I needed to gather up my courage and be brave to set some clear boundaries. I started by setting boundaries with my husband and I told him that I would no longer tolerate being compared to his mother. I said I needed him to ‘try’ to respect my wishes and actually listen to my feelings.
I also began communicating directly with my in-laws, rather than through my husband. This allowed me to express some of my needs and expectations more clearly (well, sort of). I had to learn (hard lessons) not take things personally as well as TRYING not to hold on to the past; this has given me huge strides in my relationship with my in-laws.
It is important to remember that everyone’s situation is different. What works for one person may not work for another. The most important thing is to find what works for you and to stick to it. Healthy boundaries are essential for maintaining a healthy relationship with your in-laws.
You must also remember that you can’t change people. Someone has to be willing to change for change to happen and it usually starts with you.
Wrapping up: How to maintain good relationship with In-laws
If you want to keep the peace with your in-laws, it’s important to tread carefully. These tips should help you navigate the waters and come out on top (or at least not get dragged under). Remember, they’re people too, so don’t be afraid to show them a little kindness.
After all, even monsters can be tamed with a bit of love 😉
Charlie
Charlene is a published author/writer who has embarked on a personal journey, with the hope of providing guidance, support and advice to all who may need it.