Depression and anxiety (#shudder). It’s no secret that these conditions can be incredibly debilitating, making it difficult – if not impossible – to lead a normal, fulfilling (not to mention functional) life. So, what do you do if you’re struggling with anxiety? How do you avoid the depression song? I’m not a therapist, but I have an ongoing battle with depression and anxiety so I know what works for me – and it might work for you too.
That’s what I’m going to talk about in this blog post. I will share a few of my personal stories of recovery in each phase of my life, along with some tips and advice that I hope will help you on your own journey to wellness. If you don’t suffer from either of these conditions, please share this post with anyone who you think might find it helpful.
How I overcame depression and anxiety?
Well, I became a multi-billionaire diva and bought an island. Never had to work a day again and I spend my days reading while eating expensive chocolate. I have an endless supply of coffee and wine…life is good. You must be thinking: seriously?? Answer: an emphatically sad ‘No’ with an ‘only in my dreams’ sprinkled on the side.
In reality, I’m an ordinary working–from-home mom who works like a work-horse and has nothing to show for it. I’m a former caregiver mom that is used to 24/7 days of no sleep and physical exhaustion that is trying to cope with a new norm. A norm of trying to find my independence in the working world with the little qualifications I have (which isn’t much). I’m also a self-taught photographer with no steady income and a published author that has sold 2 books (thanks hubby & mommy).
I’m a housekeeper, cleaner, chef, driver, teacher, writer…the list is endless.
Am I overwhelmed? Maybe. Do I do too much? That is possible. Do I feel like I deserve a holiday? Yes, somewhere with sandy beaches and the bluest waters. Do I hate my life? Well, aside from me grieving my son, no. What do I want for my life? Purpose (and a faster metabolism).
Here Is My Story
I’ve suffered from depression and anxiety for as long as I can remember but I have struggled silently. Mine was as unassuming as my nature. I laughed and bubbled, no one knew any better. Why, because I am just that good at hiding my feelings. As a child, I was awkward but I was friendly, so I did have friends but none who REALLY knew me.
I learnt from a young age that if you do just enough, people won’t question you or pay any attention, so I could fly under the radar without actually hiding. I could never explain how I felt because I am not that verbally articulate (I’d rather write).
This feeling of not belonging continued into my teenage years and by the time I reached high school, I was popular but not popular (if that even makes sense). Then we relocated in the middle of high school, the middle of Grade 10 from a small place (Pietermaritzburg) to Cape Town. It was a culture shock that I could not adjust to and I felt even more anxious. People here were so different to what I was used in a good and a bad way. The schoolwork load was greater, the peer pressure so much more aggressive and then there was the Afrikaans (Lord, have mercy).
I was a top achiever in PMB, an A- student but when I got to Cape Town then my grades dropped dramatically. I was teased endlessly for my accent at school but they were never mean however, it did make me so self conscious. The depression hit hard at this time, my parents had us move for better opportunities for our family and they had their own adjusting to work/life as well. I couldn’t put my feelings on them so I pressed it down and tried to be a good daughter.
My siblings struggled too so I had to be strong for them; I felt that was my one job in life. My job was not to put my moods or problems on everyone else so I put a smile on my face and pushed on, you know, be a good Christian.
I had few friends but spent most of my time reading books and listening to music. The pressure grew so much, my grades could not recover and eventually I had to let go of my big career dreams and settle. The problem was I didn’t know what to settle for and this led to my very difficult relationship with food.
I became an emotional eater and my weight was another source of my depression. My body became my enemy and this eating disorder continued into my late teens/early twenties by this point, I was dealing with depression/anxiety on a daily basis. I had very little motivation or desire to do anything and I just wanted to curl up in a ball and hide from the world. But hiding wasn’t an option; I had to keep going, even though every day was a struggle so I entered a phase of rebellion.
This phase of my life was dark and difficult, I chopped off all my hair (I had really long hair back then) and went overseas (where I almost took my own life). I broke my parent’s heart and suffered for it. My faith took huge beatings back then but this phase was one of the most brutal and lasted till this moment of life. Too much happened, too much unfolded for me to even begin to cover it in a blog post.
Also, it is all way too personal for a post (I will cover it in my book: BROKEN WINGS).
The ‘good’ part about this phase was it taught me who I was and what I was capable of. I started writing years ago and I found that the act of writing was therapeutic for me. It was a way to release all the pent-up emotions I was feeling inside and it helped me to start putting my life back together again.
I’m not going to lie; the road hasn’t been easy. There have been setbacks and relapses along the way. But each time I’ve picked myself up, dusted myself off and started again. Today, I’m in a decent place and I’m healthy, also I’m doing things that I never thought possible (like sharing all this with you).
The thing is, we all have a story that sound similar to mine, we all struggling. The world is hard and life-ing is crazy tough. So, if you’re struggling with depression or anxiety, please know that you are not alone and recovery or even coping is possible.
How To Overcome Depression and Anxiety – My Experiences
Find an outlet
Writing has been a huge help for me but I also use photography and singing as well. There are many other outlets too, so find an activity that you enjoy and that helps you to relax/ de-stress. It could be anything from painting to hiking to playing music.
Reach out
Don’t suffer in silence, trust me, this option has no happy ending because eventually you turn to something you shouldn’t (food & I-case and point). Talk to someone – a friend, family member, therapist, etc. – about what you’re going through. It can be helpful to share your experiences and feelings with someone who understands.
I know this one is hard; I am usually the one people turn to when they have problems, and thus I started depending on my mom and my husband to listen to me vent. I have realized that if you don’t speak to someone, the problem festers like a sore and like a festering, untreated sore it will end up being fatal.
Be patient
Recovery takes time. Don’t expect to feel better overnight. Give yourself time to heal and don’t be too hard on yourself if you have a setback. If you have a bad day then embrace it, cry it out and cry some more (also eat some chocolate). Then you can go back to being strong or okay (until the next time).
Believe in yourself
Remember that you are strong and capable and you can get through this. Depression and anxiety can be overcome so believe in yourself and have faith in the healing process.
Don’t be afraid of medication
If your anxiety is severe, medication may be necessary. However, there are many different types of medication available, so it’s important to talk to your doctor to find the one that’s right for you. There are also herbal alternatives to take the edge off a bit, so check at the pharmacy and ask for guidance or recommendations.
I had to go on a few sedatives just to get some sleep during my time as a special needs parent. Then after my Jaden passed, I felt like I was having panic attacks more frequently. Also recently, I found that my anxiety increases my blood pressure and as I have already had a stroke a few years back, I need to keep my pressure under control.
Recognize your triggers
Identifying the things that trigger your anxiety can help you to avoid them in the future. I am a planner, it is how I cope with most things and how I time manage because time is precious. When my time or plan is disrupted I go into a tail spin, it’s not pretty hey.
I usually feel like getting overloaded with Krispy Kreme and Starbucks just see what all that sugar and caffeine will do to me. So, how do I avoid this trigger? I don’t, there is no way for me not to plan, send help! Just kidding…well, not exactly. I am a work in progress hey so still struggling with this one.
What is the most common cause of depression and anxiety?
There is no one single cause of depression and anxiety. Rather, these conditions are thought to be caused by a combination of genetic, biological, psychological, and environmental factors (1). Depression and anxiety can run in families, but it is not clear if this is due to genetics or other factors such as environment or upbringing.
It is also worth noting that depression and anxiety can be triggered by a traumatic event (2), such as a move, a dramatic change, death of a loved one, divorce, or job loss etc. However, it is important to remember that not everyone who experiences a traumatic event will develop these conditions.
Is anxiety considered a form of depression?
Anxiety and depression are two very different conditions (3), though they often go hand-in-hand. Anxiety is characterized by feelings of worry, nervousness, and fear, while depression is marked by feelings of sadness, hopelessness, and apathy.
However, both anxiety and depression can lead to similar symptoms, such as insomnia, irritability, and difficulty concentrating.
How do you know if you’re depressed or just sad?
If you’re struggling to identify whether you’re experiencing depression or simply feeling down, it can be helpful to ask yourself how long you’ve been experiencing these low feelings. Depression is more than just a case of the blues – it’s a persistent low mood that lasts for weeks or even months at a time.
If you’re unsure whether your symptoms meet the criteria for depression, it’s always best to seek professional help.
What are some common misconceptions about anxiety and depression?
There are a lot of myths and misconceptions about anxiety and depression (4), which can make these conditions even harder to manage. Some people believe that anxiety and depression are simply a case of “mind over matter” – that if you just tried hard enough, you could snap out of it. Others may think that these conditions are a sign of weakness or laziness.
Both of these beliefs are completely untrue. Anxiety and depression are real, serious medical conditions that can be incredibly debilitating. They are not a sign of weakness, and they are certainly not something that you can simply “snap out of. In fact, it takes a great deal of courage and bravery to even admit to having mental or emotional struggles. Society tends to make us feel that admitting to a problem is admitting to being weak when it should be the other way around.
Final Thoughts
If you’re still with me at this point, thanks for bearing with me. It hasn’t been easy for me to write all of this, but I do it in the hopes that it might help someone else out there who is feeling lost and alone. I’m not a professional and you don’t have to listen to me. This is my story, it’s been a long journey and I’m still on it.
So please, don’t be ashamed to ask for help; whether that means talking to a friend or family member, seeing a therapist, or taking medication prescribed by your doctor or from a pharmacist.
The most important thing is that you keep fighting because you are worth it. If you want, feel free to reach out to me on social media or in the comments below. I’ll be happy to chat with you and offer any support that I can. Thanks for reading!
PS. Please subscribe to my newsletter to be updated on my journey.
Charlie
Charlene is a published author/writer who has embarked on a personal journey, with the hope of providing guidance, support and advice to all who may need it.