It is no secret that marriage is hard. It takes a lot of work to make it successful. But what do you do when it feels like the work is too much? When you are struggling and don’t know where to turn? This article is for you. I am going to share some marriage problems and solutions (sort of…I’m definitely no expert lol) with you.
These are things that have kinda worked for me, and I hope they can help you too.
Some insight into the dynamics of my marriage
My mom and dad are the proverbial opposites which makes my union with my polar-opposite husband that much more bazaar. I saw the fireworks and clashes of two people who literally have different opinions and stances on most topics then I go and marry a partner with the same tendencies. Sucker for punishment or recipe for a successful union?
Well, my parents are still married after 41 years and not just married but ‘still-smiling’ married so I guess there is something to be said about opposites attracting. My husband and I are always on opposite sides of most topics and it is quite exciting (if somewhat upsetting) having to defend my opinion or cause, so I guess that is how we keep the flame alive.
We do agree sometimes but I have to admit, it is rare indeed to be on the same page! We work though and so do my parents so in that matter it becomes a simple case (well, not THAT simple ha-ha) of learning to compromise. So, compromise we must, on EVERYTHING, even things such as entertaining at home which my husband hates and I love.
Causes of marriage problems
Marriage problems can stem from a variety of causes. Emotional issues, such as unresolved anger or resentment, can lead to conflict and disconnection, even having to deal with depression & anxiety while trying to navigate your relationship.
Money troubles are also a common source of stress in marriage, as couples grapple with budgeting, bills, and financial goals. In some cases, marriages may suffer from a lack of intimacy or connection. This can happen when couples stop spending time together, communicate less often, or no longer feel emotionally close.
Additionally, different values and family backgrounds can put strain on a marriage. Tension with in-laws, that is one that needs an honorable mention as well, this one has so many different levels of affect in a marriage. Finally, infidelity can also be a contributor to marriage problems [1]. Even if only one partner is unfaithful, it can cause feelings of betrayal and mistrust that can be very difficult to overcome.
While there are many challenges that married couples face, by working together and communicating openly, they can often overcome these difficulties and build a strong and lasting relationship. Ultimately, marriages require effort and communication to thrive. If problems are left unresolved, they can lead to feelings of unhappiness, resentment, and even divorce.
How we cope in our marriage
The rules of engagement regarding compromising are usually straightforward – I am always right (ha-ha kidding, he will always deny that even if it is sometimes true). The rules are we give 50-50… well, we try in most cases but to be honest, it doesn’t always work.
Not only do hubby and I differ in topics or ideals but in tastes as well. I am from Kwazulu- Natal, I am emotional, easy-going type and I do spicy food. Hubby is from Cape Town; he is the strong, moody/grumpy type and he likes food with purpose. To quote my husband: “I eat for purpose not pleasure”, whereas I am all about the visual when I eat – it must look nice and taste great.
He will sit to read all the ingredients on the packaging before consuming and if I like it, I will just eat it. I love reading novels and he loves reading textbooks. I love sci-fi and movies that go ‘boom’ or make me sigh with romantic eyes, whereas he loves movies that say, ‘based on a true story’; the ones that make me ball my eyes out or sleep. Yet still we will read together and watch movies together.
That is what any relationship is about, it is COMPROMISE and when you care or LOVE someone you will be wise to learn that concept well. In a relationship, it takes two people to make it work and not everything is about ‘you’.
Yes, my hubby & I are no authority on the matter of marital bliss because we still struggle daily on compromise. However, I would say with 19 years of marriage under my belt dealing with all sorts of issues, like parenting a specials needs child then the worst being losing a child… I know a bit of what I’m talking about.
Causes of problems in Christian marriage
Christian marriages are not immune to the issues that plague other marriages. Couples may struggle with communication, finances, parenting especially the struggles of parenting a teenager, intimacy, and a host of other challenges.
However, there are some unique issues that can arise in a Christian marriage. One such issue is the pressure to live up to unrealistic expectations. Christians are called to love unconditionally, forgive readily, and serve selflessly.
While these are admirable qualities, they can be difficult to live up to on a day-to-day basis. When one spouse feels that they are falling short, it can lead to feelings of inadequacy and resentment. I feel this personally as the differences in personalities clash on the daily and when there are issues that I am supposed constantly just forgive & forget.
Another issue that can arise is the question of religious beliefs. As a Christian, we are always expected to be our best selves and when we fail or fall short, it is always highlighted or spotlighted in technicolor. Or worse if bad things happen to us, we are sort of frowned upon or silently ridiculed because we didn’t just bounce back to our faith.
In other words, Christians are called to remain faithful even when tested, but this can be difficult particularly when spouses have different levels of commitment. These differences can lead to arguments and frustration, making it difficult to maintain a healthy relationship.
Despite the challenges, many of us Christian couples find that the rewards of marriage outweigh the difficulties. By working together and maintaining a strong relationship with God (however difficult), we are (sometimes) able to overcome even the most difficult trials.
Causes of financial problems in marriage
No one gets married expecting to get divorced. So what causes financial problems in marriage? Here are some of the most common reasons:
1. One partner earns significantly more than the other
This can lead to feelings of resentment and power imbalances within the relationship. I struggle with this particularly, not because of the reasons you think like feminism etc. but because I resent not being able to contribute more financially.
2. One partner is a spendthrift
This can put a lot of financial strain on the other partner, especially if they are trying to save money.
3. Partner has a lot of debt
This can limit the amount of money available to the other partner, and it can also be a source of stress and arguments.
4. Only one breadwinner
When you are the only one bringing in money, the strain of being the provider can be a tremendous responsibility. My husband suffered from autoimmune with side affects, and then he lost feeling in his legs and had to have major spine surgery. As the only breadwinner you can imagine how stressful all was for him and how it affected our marriage.
5. Lack of communication about money
This can lead to misunderstanding and frustration about finances, which can eventually lead to financial problems. This one was tough to overcome for us, especially in the early parts of our marriage when I had no idea what was in the bank account for monthly grocery shopping etc.
If you’re facing financial difficulties in your marriage, it’s important to talk to your partner about it. Open communication is essential for solving any problem, and it’s especially important when it comes to money. We leant that by talking about our finances openly and honestly, we could work together to find a solution that worked for us both.
Causes of communication problems in marriage
There can be many causes of communication problems in marriage. One major cause could be that the couple does not spend enough time together. Life gets busy and it is easy to allow work, children, stress and other obligations to take precedence over your spouse.
We drifted because of this and learnt the hard way that if we wanted our marriage to thrive, it was important to make time for one another. By prioritizing your relationship you show your spouse that they are a top priority in your life. Even though it is so difficult to find the time or energy, you make time and you find the energy…for each other.
Another common cause of communication problems is when couples do not know how to effectively communicate with one another. This can happen when couples do not express their needs or feel like they are being heard.
Learning how to listen and communicate effectively can help reduce tension and improve your relationship. I won’t lie by saying we have mastered this, there are still times I want to smother my husband with a pillow because I still feel he doesn’t understand me at times. I will admit that we are a work-in-progress.
Lastly, unresolved issues from the past can also lead to communication problems. Shoo, this one hey! This one is the killer one in our relationship and still is. Overcoming our past self is hard enough without having to deal with someone that remembers it all as well as you do.
But we soldier on and try our best by making sure we talk things through regardless of how tricky the subject matter. It is important to deal with these issues so that they don’t continue to cause problems in the present. By addressing these causes, you can help improve communication in your marriage.
Marriage difficulties
One of the most difficult things anyone can go through is a crumbling marriage. It’s hard to watch or experience something you’ve put so much time, energy and love into start to fall apart. Often, both spouses are at a loss as to how to fix things, I remember this feeling so understand the struggle.
We blamed each other, or ourselves, and sometimes we feel like we spinning out of control. If this is happening in your marriage, you are not alone and take a deep breath. Just be aware that if you can’t then you can’t.
Yes, I know that advice was unexpected considering I am talking about solutions to problems in your marriage. Nevertheless, I won’t tell you to fight for your marriage if your spouse is not willing to fight for you too. ‘It takes two to tango’, meaning you can’t save your relationship alone… not with voodoo or magic or by asking God to change him/her.
A potion, magic or prayer would be fantastic but none of it works if you don’t BOTH believe in it. How it works is effort, patience and work.
What are the 3 most important things in a marriage?
When two people decide to spend the rest of their lives together, they are making a commitment to love and cherish each other for better or for worse cleaving to each other. While there are many important aspects to a happy and successful marriage, three of the most essential things are communication, trust, and respect.
1. Good communication
Good communication is vital in any relationship [2], but it is especially important in marriage. Couples need to be able to talk openly and honestly with each other about their thoughts, feelings, and needs. Without effective communication, it can be difficult to resolve disagreements or work through challenges.
2. Trust
Trust is another essential ingredient in a strong marriage. Husbands and wives need to be able to trust each other implicitly. This means being honest with each other, being faithful, and keeping your promises. When there is trust in a marriage, couples can feel safe and secure in their relationship.
3. Respect
Finally, respect is crucial in a healthy marriage. Husbands and wives should always show respect for each other, even when they are disagreeing (put the phone away and stay present). Respecting your partner’s opinions, choices and feelings will help you to build a strong foundation of love and understanding.
By working on these three key areas, couples can create a solid foundation for a happy and lasting marriage.
Wrapping up: Marriage Problems and Solutions
Though every marriage is different, and therefore has unique problems that need to be solved, there are some that are more common than others. Recognizing these issues early on can help you nip them in the bud before they turn into bigger problems down the road.
I hope I helped in some way, as you can probably understand from my personal reflections, we don’t have it all figured out yet. We human and as such we are not perfect apart or together. My husband often makes me question my life choices but he also makes me want to be a better person.
Every relationship has its ups and downs. No matter what issue you and your spouse are facing, remember that communication and compromise are key. And if all else fails, just try to laugh through it – because at the end of the day, marriages should be full of laughter… and love.
Charlie
Charlene is a published author/writer who has embarked on a personal journey, with the hope of providing guidance, support and advice to all who may need it.