As a wife and mother, I’ve learned a thing or two about negotiating needs and wants. Whether it’s with my hard-headed husband about what need or with my bratty kids about screen time, let me tell you, it’s not always easy, especially when you’re dealing with people who are just as stubborn as you are.
I’ve learned that negotiating isn’t just about getting what you want. It’s also about building relationships and creating deeper connections which is hard, I won’t lie. I am always tempted to smother my hubby with a pillow so I know the struggle.
When you’re able to negotiate effectively, you’re able to show the other person that you respect their needs and wants, even if they’re different from your own(which is ALL the time in my case).
In this article, I’m going to share some things I’ve learned (in my 20 years married to a ‘terrorist’ aka husband ha-ha) for negotiating needs and wants.
What is negotiating?
We all negotiate every day. We negotiate with our spouses, our children, our boss, and even with the person who cuts us off in traffic. Negotiation is a part of life. But what exactly is negotiation? And how can we do it better?
In its simplest form, negotiation {1} is a process of discussion between two or more parties aimed at reaching an agreement. But effective negotiation is so much more than that. It’s about understanding the other person’s needs and wants.
This is a very contentious issue especially in a codependent relationship, finding a way to meet both parties’ needs has to be fair and mutually beneficial. The key to successful negotiation lies in understanding human psychology: what motivates people, what makes them tick, and how to read their body language.
With this knowledge, you can not only reach agreements more easily but also build deeper relationships based on trust and mutual respect.
Defining needs and wants
If something is a want, you’d love to have it; if it’s a need, you cannot live without it. It’s important to know the difference when we’re trying to connect with those around us – not everyone has the same wants and needs, which can affect how deeply we understand each other.
That fear can make negotiating needs and wants tricky: sometimes what we think is important turns out to be superficial in the grander scheme of things, yet understanding our own motivations helps us build stronger relationships that last.
Whether it’s recognizing when to compromise or having disagreements without judgment, these conversations are essential for deepening our connections with others.
The art of compromise
Compromising doesn’t have to feel like a chore – it can actually be seen as an art form! Knowing how to negotiate effectively, while keeping all parties involved happy, is a skill that will come in handy in many areas of life.
When it comes to compromising, it’s crucial to keep an open mind and find creative solutions; this allows both sides to have their preferences taken into consideration without having to sacrifice one for the other.
It takes patience and compromise, but learning how to work together can be rewarding for everyone involved. In the end, balance is key when finding a middle ground between needs and wants – if done with finesse and understanding, this can ultimately lead to better relationships that are built on mutual respect.
Learning to communicate effectively
When it comes to communication, expressing ourselves successfully when negotiating needs and wants can seem like a daunting task. But the truth is that with a few small changes in approach, we can learn how to negotiate better in order to get our needs met.
One of the most important techniques during communication is to talk with respect while also conveying one’s point of view calmly and confidently. Instead of becoming aggressive or using harsh language, more success will come from sticking to multiple ‘I’ statements conveying your viewpoint without trying to make anyone feel bad.
Additionally, you should always refrain from making assumptions about someone else’s intentions or views – oftentimes these assumptions lead us astray which can further complicate the conversation.
Finally, never forget that communication works both ways – be sure to listen as much as you speak and give others the same respect as you would want for yourself. With practice and an open mind, learning effective communication is something we can all work towards!
Active listening skills
Active listening can truly be a superpower! It’s the ability to really dive into someone else’s perspective and understand their feelings on the matter. Focusing on what the other person is saying, instead of taking over the conversation with your own talking points, will help strengthen relationships.
There are a few simple tips to practice active listening – take turns speaking, don’t interrupt or talk over each other, and of course – always leave room for humor! By putting these necessary steps in place, you can build a strong rapport with those around you and ensure that no one feels unheard or undervalued.
Being assertive without being aggressive
We’ve all been there before. You’re in a meeting, and someone starts to talk over you. Or, you’re trying to have a conversation with a friend, and they keep interrupting you. It can be frustrating, especially when you’re trying to assert yourself without being aggressive.
Knowing how to set boundaries without being overly aggressive or passive is one of the most important things when it comes to effectively negotiating needs and wants. It involves showing respect for yourself and the other party, while still standing up for what you need.
This can take some practice, but there are a few tips to help make it easier. For starters, make sure your language is assertive rather than attacking or blaming – this means using “I” statements instead of “you” statements.
PLUS tone of voice matters (This is important!); make sure you sound confident rather than angry or whiny. And finally, be open to compromise even if it does not get you exactly what you want – sometimes settling for something in between can be the best solution.
Conclusion
We’ve all been there, stuck in the loop of trying to find common ground with someone whose wants and needs seem entirely different from our own. My husband and I are true reflections of that frustration, so trust me I know!
The good news is, there are some tried and true methods for negotiating needs and wants that can help create deeper connections and practical agreements, just drink water. And by drink, I mean shove their head into water… just kidding.
By taking the time to understand what the other person is really after, we can set aside our own objectives and work together to find a mutually beneficial solution. So next time you find yourself at an impasse, remember these tips and see if you can open up a whole new world of possibilities. Also remember to breathe, deep breaths…maybe count to 10…
Charlie
Charlene is a published author/writer who has embarked on a personal journey, with the hope of providing guidance, support and advice to all who may need it.