Fear… just that one little word can make your stomach do a somersault. Fear can be a paralyzing emotion, leaving us too scared to move, and it comes in all forms. It could be a fear of failing, fear of the unknown, fear of being alone, fear of what people think, or even fear of making the wrong decision.
Sometimes though, if we’re being completely honest, fear can have us imagining the absolute worst-case scenario before anything has even happened. Like fear of something happening to the people we love, and what makes this even worse is when it has already happened, so we fear it happening again… I know this one all too well.
But here’s the thing I’ve had to learn: feeling fear doesn’t mean we have to let fear make all our decisions for us. Learning how to overcome fear in life isn’t about becoming some fearless superhero who walks around without a care in the world.
For me, overcoming fear has been more about learning to take the next step even when my knees are metaphorically knocking. There isn’t a magic potion, a three-step formula, or a little button we can press that makes fear disappear (would be nice, though).
Instead, overcoming fear is a journey, and sometimes it’s one tiny baby step at a time.
Fear is so powerful, and not in a good way. It can stop us from trying something new, speaking up, taking a chance, or even enjoying the life sitting right in front of us. However, we don’t have to allow it to control us… below are some things I’ve learned about facing fear.
Harder than it sounds, I know, but it is always the first step. Think carefully, though: we say, “I’m scared,” but look closer at the cause. What exactly are we scared of? Is it failure? Rejection? Being judged? Losing control? Getting hurt? The unknown?
Once you can put a name to your fear, it somehow becomes tangible and a little less like this enormous monster hiding under the bed. You can look at it (not literally, of course, unless it’s a spider, then okay), you can question it (again, I mean figuratively because who wants to get close to, say, a spider), then you can actually figure out what to do about it.
Fear is a funny thing; it writes its own narrative about something that hasn’t even happened yet. It’s written the ending, directed the movie, and probably won an Oscar for it.
But do we really look at the facts? Our minds take a possibility and turn it into a certainty: “I might fail” becomes “I’m definitely going to fail.” “They might not like me” becomes “Nobody likes me.” “This could go wrong” becomes “Everything is going to go horribly wrong.” Learning to challenge those thoughts can help us see things more realistically.
You don’t have to conquer the entire mountain today; sometimes you just scramble one foot up at a time while breathing aggressively through each step. The hiking analogy seems apt, as this is usually my mentality as my asthmatic self struggles along with my family, one adventure at a time.
So basically what I’m saying is if public speaking terrifies you, you don’t necessarily need to jump straight onto a stage in front of 500 people; start smaller. Talk to someone you trust or share your thoughts in a small group… build from there; those little victories matter.
Baby steps still count… some of the biggest changes in our lives start with ridiculously small steps.
When we don’t know what we’re doing, our brains can immediately start shouting, “ABORT MISSION!” Okay, maybe that’s just me, but being prepared can make a huge difference to fear. For example, if you fear a difficult conversation, think about what you want to say, or if you’re trying something new, learn as much as you can.
Make a plan of action if you’re facing a situation that makes you nervous. Preparation doesn’t guarantee that everything will go perfectly; however, it can give you a little more confidence to take that first step.
You don’t have to battle every fear on your own. Sometimes we just need someone to say, “I understand.”A friend.A family member.Your partner.Someone who has walked through something similar.
Talking doesn’t magically make every problem disappear, but it can make you feel a whole lot less alone. I’ve learned that sometimes saying something out loud takes away some of its power. So if fear has been sitting heavily on your heart, don’t be afraid to open up to someone you trust, or communicate with your partner.
We’ve all had moments when fear has crept in and completely taken over. And after everything that went down in 2020, I think most of us got a pretty unforgettable lesson in just how powerful fear can be. So what did we learn?
I know we don’t particularly enjoy feeling afraid; hence, I’ve found a few things that help me when the fear starts getting a little too loud.
Yes, I know, a new hobby might sound like a strange suggestion when we’re talking about fear, but hear me out. When you do something new, it reminds us that we’re capable of learning, growing, and making mistakes without the world ending.
Look, I’m not saying train for the Olympics or learn to play the piano overnight… just try something you’ve always wanted to try. Cook that Jamie Oliver dish or bake that delish cookie recipe you saved on Instagram.
Or write that book on your heart or paint that masterpiece you’ve always wanted to paint… just do it (No, I don’t work for Nike). Basically, learn something new… whatever makes you think, “Hmm, I’ve never done that before.” Or “Gosh, I’ve always wanted to try that.”
Sometimes confidence grows when we prove to ourselves that we can do things we thought we couldn’t.
Our comfort zones are lovely, warm, familiar, safe aaaand sometimes they can become a little tooooo comfortable. Okay, I’ll be frank: I HATE to change things up in any form or fashion, so believe me when I say I find this incredibly difficult.
I’m a creature of habit, so when plans change, or things shift maybe like an aisle in the supermarket or like my kid’s school time changes then I go through a tailspin of anxiety. So yes, I can relate, but stepping outside your zone doesn’t mean something terrifying every single day.
It could be something as simple as speaking up when you normally wouldn’t or trying something you’ve been putting off. Maybe it’s meeting someone new or going somewhere different. Every small experience teaches us that discomfort isn’t necessarily danger but simply growth.
Avoidance is not the key to fear because the more we run from a fear, the more power we can accidentally give it. Now, I’m not saying we should throw ourselves into every situation that scares us. I am not implying I’m a sadist; I mean just stop self-sabotaging yourself.
Fear (1) is there for a reason, and it’s backed by science; it can protect us and warn us when something is dodgy. However, fear becomes a problem when it stops us from living, growing, and experiencing life. Ask yourself: “Is this fear protecting me, or is it holding me back?”
Talking to someone who has been through what you’ve been through or walked the road you’re walking now is a different kind of comfort. They don’t need to give you a lecture, and they don’t even need to have all the answers, it simply understanding us.
We don’t have to pretend that we’re okay all the time, that we’re strong all the time… we can just be. We can just admit we are scared, that we don’t know what we’re doing, and that we need help. You know what? That takes courage and strength- the first step towards loving yourself.
Personally, there is another part of overcoming fear that I CANNOT leave out, and that is Faith. My faith in God has been a lifeline for me through some of the most brutal moments of my life. I believe faith does not mean that Christians never feel frightened; in fact, it is the very thing that pulls us to HIM.
I think faith in everyday life means that when we’re frightened, we don’t have to carry the hard things alone. Here are a few of my favourite Bible verses that give me a spiritual boost when needed:
– 2 Timothy 1:7 “For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind.”
This verse is such a powerful reminder that fear doesn’t have to define who we are. When it all gets too much, I give it all to HIM, and in return HE grants me peace.
– Isaiah 41:10 “Fear thou not; for I am with thee: be not dismayed; for I am thy God…”
Not “fear not because life will always be easy.” OR not “fear not because nothing bad will ever happen.” But fear not because you are not alone… that distinction is EVERYTHING.
– Psalm 46:1-3 “God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble.”
Sometimes we don’t need all the answers immediately; we just need somewhere safe to put our worries.
– Matthew 6:34 “Take therefore no thought for the morrow: for the morrow shall take thought for the things of itself.”!
We need to stop borrowing trouble from tomorrow, today is what we have.
You don’t have to become fearless to live a brave life; you can be scared and still take the next step. You can have doubts and still try, or cry and still be strong. You can pray while you’re frightened (heck, I do it all the time), and it’s okay to ask for help.
Fear may always knock on the door, but it doesn’t always have to be invited in for tea. Just simply acknowledge it, breathe, pray, take a deep breath, and keep going. Life is too precious to spend it waiting for fear to leave. You have to take a step, even if it’s a tiny one.
So what if you stumble? Dust off and get back up. You’ve got this…and God’s got you.
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